


My Soldier of Winter

by Catch22inaRedDress



Category: Avengers, Marvel, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Bucky Barnes Feels, Developing Relationship, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Minor Violence, Sex, winter soldier - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-29
Updated: 2018-06-06
Packaged: 2019-05-15 05:58:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 20,853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14784818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Catch22inaRedDress/pseuds/Catch22inaRedDress
Summary: The story takes place after the Accords and revolves around you, the reader. You are the Goddaughter of Tony Stark and his protege. You have helped with the Avengers since its birth and when the Accords were in talks before Steve found Bucky in Romania, you and Tony had a fallout.  You could no longer be apart of something that you didn't believe in. You have helped Steve, Bucky, and the fugitivesfrom behind the curtain you have not seen them and have not met the infamous Winter Soldier. They have since made a tense amends with Tony and a new threat looms in the future requiring the team to unite against the enemy for the greater good.You are in the cross hairs as the successor and ultimately seen as Tony's daughter and those who want to hurt him are after you. However, you have built a new life for yourself this past year and refuse to speak with him and are not yet fully aware of dire circumstances that you may be in.Bucky is your soldier and your protector.





	1. Longing

Longing

I curled up the couch watching Y/F/M relaxing after a busy day at work. I was thankful that most days I could work from home. It was the busy season with the holidays just around the bend. I worked with Stark Industries and was in charge of all of the charities and fundraising. This was the only job that I kept on after Tony and I no longer spoke since last year and the Accords. Not for lack of trying though on his part, especially in the recent few days. He had been sending everyone and their mother over but I stood strong and simply said no thank you to their pleas from Tony to say "hi".

 

Pepper says that I get my morals and standards from the parents and my stubbornness from Tony. He's been in my life since I was a baby and when my parents died in a car bombing overseas when I was 7 he raised me as his own. However, in a typical Stark fashion, he had yet to apologize because he still did not see any wrongdoing in his eyes.

This past month, Cap and the team were back at the tower, but from what Steve's text messages said but things were tense. He didn't elaborate due to security and the fact that I didn't ask. I remained somewhat close to him since I helped them while they were on the run over the past year with anything that I could. He was the only one that respected my decision to not return to the Avengers and help run the team and keep Tony in check.

I heard a knock at my door and reluctantly got up and walked over. When I took a look through the peephole I saw Steve and someone else standing there. "You've got to be kidding me?" I sighed and then opened the door, ready to politely decline to the nicest man I'd ever met and disappointed that he caved to Tony's request. Even though I was seriously happy to finally see his star-spangled ass in person.

"Well, do my eyes deceive me or is this Captain America himself on my doorstep." I faked a little fangirl moment then gave a genuine laugh to his awkward blush and jumped up for a hug. He loomed over my small frame and his muscular arms easily lifted my feet off the ground in a tight embrace. He always smelled like leather and books which I loved. 

 

I heard a throat clear and out of the corner of your eye I saw the man that Cap brought with him to meet me. While I knew instantly that it was the Winter Soldier by his seemingly menacing stature, his eyes were the exact opposite of intimidating. He looked me over and then our eyes met. They were the purest blue I've ever seen and they burned through me. His face was unshaven and he hid behind his long brunet hair but, his eyes, albeit haunted-were kind. I knew I'd like him based on that alone, even if he didn't have Captain I-will-cut-anyone-who-messes-with-my-Bucky America to vouch for him. 

As Steve chuckled and set my feet down I became aware of what I was wearing. Some sleep shorts and an oversized cream off the shoulder sweater. My Y/ H/C hair was down and I had no makeup on so the flush on my cheeks was visible to both of the handsome men in front of me.

Steve beamed as he gestured towards Bucky. "Y/N---I'd like you to meet James Buchanan Barnes, officially." The muscular man tentatively put his hand out for me to shake but instead, I went in for a hug. To this day I don't know why I would do something so impulsive, and yet I did. I regret nothing. No, he had a smell of safety- if I could bottle that up and sell it I would make a fortune. He smelled like leather and pine with a hint of ..gunpowder. 

His arms hung loosely at his side for a fraction of a moment and he did the unexpected. That even had struck Steve as shocking. He hugged me back for a brief moment. His scent was deliciously intoxicating and I had to hold my breath so I could let go of him and gain some composure. I missed part of my old life and being around Steve and this new soldier was something that was going to be hard to say no to. 

The whole hug was just a few seconds long but the action in itself was very intimate. This man could kill someone a hundred ways from Sunday and yet he let a complete stranger hug him in the middle of New York. My how things how changed.

"Well come on in guys." I led them to the living room and they sat down. Bucky sat across from me and Steve beside me. Steve gave a small remorseful smile to warn me why he was here while Bucky sat quietly next to us.

"So what does Tony want now. Pray tell?" Bucky looked around my place and smirked at the motorcycle in the corner and took in every detail while Steve shuffled in his seat.

" You know I'm glad you got out Y/N. I'm happy for you. Having a normal life". I shook my head. "You and I both know that I will never have a normal life. Not with Tony and....everything."

I looked at Bucky intently staring at me and Steve, trying to understand no doubt. My guess is he didn't ask and Steve didn't tell the extent of my past and to that I was grateful.

Steve got up and started walking around looking at pictures. "Seeing anyone?" Both of the men were tense and my suspicions grew. 

I laughed. "Small talk?" He looked at me with concern on his face. I knew it was more, how could it not be? When two gorgeous soldiers show up on your doorstep at night they typically aren't there for a pizza delivery. Unless it's a porno, and let's be honest. My life is the farthest thing from that or any action of that sort at all. Sesame Street would probably give two thumbs down for how damn boring it is. 

"I've had a few dates but nothing serious. Seems the world is shy of gentlemen these days? What's going on?"

I stood up and Bucky instinctively stood and took a step towards me. I was started to get worried by the impromptu visit and was tired of being in the dark.

"Steve, Bucky. I'm no idiot and sure as hell not a baby. Just tell me like it is." 

Steve nodded and walked up to me. "Well, we find ourselves in a bind Y/N. Hydra found has a weapon of mass destruction. One that they can't control. It could potentially destroy our planet and Tony is the key. Literally. The main piece is from Stark industries and Tony has a security measure that is biometric and requires DNA. He is in hiding but they are going to come after you to get to him. We've had you under extreme surveillance the past week to keep your safety."

I took a moment to mull over the information this super soldier just lobbed at my civilian head. 

I slowly sat back and couldn't contain the laugh that escaped and the two men stared at me wondering if perhaps I had lost my mind. However, this would explain why Tony was MIA and everyone else was doing his bidding.

"You show up at my door talking about word destruction and don't bring me a chocolate? It's like you don't know me at all, Rogers." The tension in his shoulders relaxed a bit and he let out a slight chuckle while Bucky just stood there staring at me like I had two heads. Unsure how I could be taking this news so nonchalantly, no doubt. Little did he know that this was not my first day, well not technically. I was more aggravated with my protection detail and "stalker" than anything else. A girl has to have her priorities, am I right?

"Who has been watching me?" My eyebrows stitched together at the invasion of privacy.

Bucky cleared his throat and took a step towards you. "Me. I've been watching you."

I nodded mentally recounting my week wondering if I did anything incriminating or embarrassing. I had a ball last night and a date earlier this week but the guy was a douche bag and hit on the waitress more than me. So that was humiliating.

He looked to the ground to avoid my stare and when he realized it was fruitless he looked up. I grilled him with my intense stare while I mulled all of the information over and he shifted uncomfortably. I liked watching him squirm, not sure what was so intimidating about him. 

"So....if I don't go with you. I will likely be tortured and killed to get to Tony?"

The two men looked at each other and this time I looked at Bucky for the answer. "I'd say that pretty much sums it up."

"I can't make this shit up even if I tried. I fucking hate being Tony's daughter."

Bucky went rigid and my eyes caught tense body. He must hate Tony too. We should start a support group. 

I look at Steve. "Give me ten minutes to pack up my shit and we can go." The men nodded.

I went to my room and started forcefully packing. I jumped when I saw Bucky in my doorway. "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. Steve went to get the car and check the perimeter. He wanted me to stay with you."

I nodded. "Thank you." He slowly started walking towards me. "Need help?" 

I had him grab my suitcase while I threw some clothes in. I grinned when he turned red while I tossed in my lace bra and panties.

 

"While I am upset that you were watching me through the shadows this past week. ....thank you."

He chewed on the inside of his cheek. "You're welcome. I ...I..didn't. I mean I wasn't intrusive if you were worried about that."

I slowly nodded my head. And touched his metal hand and he flinched back startling me.

"I was just going to say thank you for that. I'm so--"

He cut me off. "My arm. It's hydra. I don't like people touching it."

 

I shook my head and smirked while looking down at my suitcase. "I suppose that something that we will have to work on." I said it so low I'm not sure if he even heard me.

He must've noticed that I was shaking when I was tossing my things in. He took my hand in his flesh one.

"It's ok. I-we won't let anything happen to you." I looked into those piercing blue eyes. "Huh. Turns out there are a few gentlemen left."

 

He gave me a genuine smile and licked his lips and sent my heart racing.

We heard Steve on Bucky's radio then. "We've got company you two. Wrap it up. We've gotta go." We ran out of my house and the SUV that Steve was driving. Not a moment later we were surrounded by Hydra agents.

"Oh for fucks sakes." Bucky and I said in unison.

"Language!" Cap shouted. All three of us pulled out our guns to prepare for a fight. As I look around I could see the shift in Bucky. Oh...yea. He was intimidating as hell and I was very happy at that moment it was not aimed at me. 

I suppose a part of me was happy to be back.


	2. Rusted

We sped down the road with a half a dozen Hydra vehicles chasing us. Bucky and I were shooting at them while Steve maneuvered out in and out of the New York traffic. Steve dodged a car and nearly fell out of the window. "We've got to get out of the streets. To many civilians can get hurt." I came back in the car. "I agree. I commissioned these SUVs for SHIELD and the AVENGERS. They are bulletproof and have some other things that can help us. Drive towards the warehouses. Get far enough ahead to be able to stop above a manhole for a minute. I can put it on self-driver and lead them away and we can escape through the sewer." He nodded and made a sharp turn. I pushed a few more buttons and a larger automatic gun came up the middle of the car and the back window opened a bit. Bucky's eyes widened and he looked at me.

 

"Have fun Soldier." I grinned at him. And he started shooting at the cars taking out two of them. "Ok, self-driver is ready when you are Cap." I threw out a smoke grenade to hopefully gain us a few minutes as we sped around another corner. Steve came to an abrupt halt I pressed a button to open the floorboard. "Go!" Bucky moved down the manhole and dropped down out of sight then I followed. I dropped down and lost my footing falling into Bucky's arms. "You ok Y/N?" I stood up and plopped down in a puddle inwardly cringing at the muck and smell. 

"Yeah, I'm ok. Thank you." Thankful I had enough sense to put on some jeans and some boots before we left. Steve came down shortly after and we started jogging towards Stark Tower. I promised myself mentally that when I was back at the tower I would utilize the gym. I refuse to have one of them carry me on their back. I would not be the weak link. 

After about an hour we were outside of the tower. "Buck stays here with Y/N and I'm going to check outside and see if it's safe." He exited the manhole which was about 500 feet from the tower entrance and we heard gunfire sound off. I started for the exit and Bucky held me back. "Stay here! I'll go!" He gave me stern look and climbed out. I paced the ground and heard more gunfire. "Fuck that. Stark's don't wait. We fight." I climbed out to find mayhem around me.

Bucky was surrounded by 6 agents and Cap by 4 with 5 on the ground around him. I saw Natasha and Clint run out of the tower to help.

Two agents came up to me and I deflected a punch and flipped him over my back and he landed on the ground while I took the gun from the holster and shot him in the head. The other agent had a knife and slashed me across my forearm. I hissed at the pain and kicked him I the groin and head-butted him, he fell back. I shot him as I walked past to help Nat with the three that she had. 

I was out of shape and had no armor and I'm no assassin or super soldier. My saving grace was that they weren't trying to kill me, not yet. They needed me alive. So I used this to my advantage. I jumped up on the car and ran towards the agents attacking Nat.

My gun was out of bullets so I jumped on him and climbed up on his shoulders and swung my body towards the ground and slammed him down. Nat tossed me a clip and reloaded my gun and shot the agent at my feet.

I heard Bucky yell my name and start running towards me and I turned around to see 5 Hydra agents behind me. I aimed at them and shot three dead before they had me. I started fighting them with everything I had but they were too strong and they started carrying me off. Bucky came over and snapped the neck of the one that was holding me and I fell with a thud. I looked up at him and he just shrugged.

He took out his knife and slashed the other one's neck, the other agent, however, proved more difficult. They went into hand to hand combat. Nat helped me up and I watched as the ex-assassin fought the Hydra agent. Neither had any ammunition left so they pulled out knives. Bucky kicked him in the ribs and he slid back across the asphalt into a car. The agent jumped up and ran at Bucky but he remained still and then at the last moment moved aside and grabbed him with his metal arm ripping him to the ground. He kicked him in his head and the agent grabbed Bucky's boot knocking him over. Bucky's rolled back and flipped onto his feet.

The agent charged at him again and Bucky flipped his knife out with ease slicing the agents ear off and he yelled. He threw a punch at Buck which he easily dodged but missed the knife to his abdomen. I ran towards them. "Bucky!" He looked at me and I threw my gun at him, he caught it and before he shot the agent in the head he whispered something I couldn't hear.

 

As Bucky, Nat and I looked around we saw the carnage. The good news was all of ours was fine, a little worse for the wear but good. "Cap. Bucky needs a medic." I grabbed Bucky's metal arm and put it over me. He tried to pull back from me and I shot him a stone cold glance. " Don't be such a baby. I can't handle a metal arm around me." He smirked and let me help and leaned on me for some support. He used his other hand to cover the bleeding wound.

Cap came over and tried to help us but Bucky waved him away. "I'm good, pal. She's got me. Let's just go in." I went with Bucky to get checked out. He needed some stitches and I got my arm stitched up. I sat in silence while people buzzed around us. The adrenaline leaving my body and fatigue setting in. Jarvis spoke up. "Ms. Y/N. Mr. Stark wishes to speak with you at your earliest convenience."

I growled and shot of the table. I stood at the door and turned around to Bucky. "You coming or not?" He smiled and followed me up to see Tony in the flesh.

All of the team was being debriefed on what happened and when I came in everyone silenced. This reunion was overdue and the only thing missing was the popcorn. 

His face was lit up and he walked towards me with his arms outstretched. "Y/N!" I, however, was livid, exhausted and in pain. I decked him. He stumbled and tripped over his feet and fell. Bucky let our a throaty chuckled and everyone smirked. Tony got up and spit out the blood.

"I deserved that." He reluctantly admitted  
"Oh yeah?"  
He nodded. I walked around him. " Did you deserve that for Ultron? For your ego and pride? For the millions of lives lost because of your decisions? Because of the Accords?" He held his head low.  
" For all of it."  
I shook my head. " You are my dad and I love you. You have raised me and took me in as your own. But I refuse to watch you burn the world down because you want to help it. You have to realize that you are not always right and need to take other peoples advice into consideration. When someone like me or Captain Fucking America says 'Hey, this isn't a good idea.' Maybe it's a fucking bad idea, Tony!"

 

I was yelling at this point and he put his hands up. "You're right. You're right." He came closer to me with his arms out in surrender and then carefully wrapped them around me. "I'll listen to you. Just don't shut me out again. I know I'm difficult. I know. But we're family." I nodded into his shoulder. "Ok"

I pushed him off me."Now go do something useful, Stark." He laughed. "Go get some sleep. Just take one of these knuckleheads with you. You need someone to stay on your floor. I'd feel better."

I scoffed. "This is Alcatraz." Clint chimed in from the corner. "When there's a will there's a way. Right now they'll do anything to get you to get to him. Thor has Loki leading them everywhere else but here. Although Loki is having fun playing Stark and living it up as a billionaire playboy."

I shook my head to tired to ask questions or argue and sighed. "Alright, Barnes. Cmon".

Tony gently grabbed my arm. "I went along with him doing surveillance and recon but I'm not too keen on this Y/N." Bucky shifted uncomfortably and his body went stiff. "And why is that?"  
Tony lowered his voice. "He killed my parents."

My stomach went to the floor. I looked at Tony and saw the hatred there. I paused and looked at Bucky whose eyes were full of tears and then they dropped to the floor.

 

I then looked around the room. Everyone except Cap avoided my eyes. I could see the remorse in his eyes and knew wordlessly what happened. I paused finding my words. 

 

"Dad. It wasn't James. It was the Winter Soldier. You were more in control of your decisions when you created Ultron than when he killed your parents." I hugged him. " I'm sorry. But the hate that you have should be towards Hydra not him. I love you." I gave him a kiss on the cheek.

I turned and left the room and nodded at Bucky to follow. In the elevator, he just stared at me. "Now that you know. You can have someone else stay with you. It's ok." The door opened on my old floor. I walked out. "I feel the safest with you, James." He smiled at me.

" Your room is across the hall from mine so if you need anything don't be shy. Make yourself at home. I need a shower and sleep." He nodded. "Thank you, Bucky. For everything." He nodded.

"Thanks for choosing me Y/N."

I shut my door and leaned against it. That man was going to be the death of me. I doubt I would regret it either, in fact, I may even say that I would welcome death with a smiling face if it meant I could have Bucky Barnes.


	3. Seventeen

The next few days consisted of training and trying to get back in some sort of shape. Nat brutalized me and when she wasn't it was Clint. On the third day, I was near collapsing and I heard Bucky yell "ENOUGH!" From the door.

Everyone stopped and watched as he stalked across the room towards me. I could barely stand and every muscle ached in my body. Nat spoke up, "It's for her own good. She needs to be prepared." He glared at her instantly shutting her up. That was a sight to see. Black Widow shut up with one look from the Winter Soldier. My eyes widened at his anger and something in my body heated at the site of him stalking towards me.

 

"You are going to kill her. She's not like us. She's not an assassin or a super soldier and I'm not going to let you turn her into one. So back. The. Fuck. Off." He took my hand and started to lead me off but I couldn't keep up with his pace and he turned around with ease and picked me up bridal style. "I can walk, Bucky." I whispered embarrassed at the scene he was causing only to have him clench jaw. " And I can carry you just as well Y/N. I let them do this to you so I'm going to take care of you."

People stared at us and moved out of the way as I hid my face in the crook of his neck from their faces. It felt like we walked by a million employees and friends on the way to my floor.

He took me to the living room and sat me gently on the couch and took off my shoes. I opened my mouth to ask him if he was ok. His chest was heaving with anger and I didn't know how to calm him but Tony came storming in my flat yelling my name. "Are you ok? What the hell happened?"

I shrugged my shoulders. "What do you mean?" He paused looking between me and the ex-assassin unlacing my shoes in front me with complete confusion on his face. 

 

" I have people telling me that metal gear solid was carrying you through the tower. So I say again. What the hell happened? Weren't you training? Are you hurt?" He was waving between both of you theatrically. 

Bucky stood up and crossed his arms. "She's not training anymore, Stark. I've seen her fight. She's good. She doesn't need to be brutalized and made into an assassin like Natasha. She's better than that. Than any of us. Hell, what are we here for if not to protect her. I can protect her."

Tonys' eyebrows shot up and I just stared at him. "A-a-alright. J-just keep my girl safe. And no hankey Pankey Barnes, otherwise I will bring out my metal gloves and we'll go hand to hand. Understood.." He poked Bucky in the chest but he was immovable but Bucky just remained stoic and calm. 

Tony smiled at me and left my floor. I smirked and Bucky went back to taking my shoes off but I could see his pink cheeks from behind his curtain of hair. "What is it, doll? You're staring again."

I shrugged. "Nothing. Just never had my own assassin as a bodyguard." He walked towards my bedroom. "Ex-assassin and as your appointment bodyguard ...I'm running you a bath." I sat back and laughed. Never thought I'd hear that phrase coming from him.

He came out a few minutes later and helped me up. "Bucky, I'm fine really" I blushed at the thought of him helping me into a bath. He silently helped me take off my shirt and saw all of the bruises on my shoulders and arms from the sparring. I took off my leggings and he saw the rest of the bruises and the anger on his face was felt in the whole room. I cleared my throat and our eyes met and they softened a bit.

"I didn't think I needed to protect you from them. S'rry" He went to storm out of the room and I grabbed his metal arm and he stopped and looked at me. "They were-They just want me to be prepared." I steel myself for what I was about to tell him. I just finalized the plan with Fury and Cap this morning, although Nat and Clint knew my intentions for a while. Hence the heavy training. "I'm bait, Bucky. I'm getting a tracker put on me then taken to the base in few days."

He turned his body to face me and stepped closer, towering above me. I bit my lip and avoided his penetrating gaze. If looks could kill this whole floor would be in flames. I was terrified of what he was going to say...to do to Steve or Fury when he found out the plan. 

"The only way this ends is to locate the base and destroy the weapon." 

He took my face in both of his hands. " Tony can do it. Fuck that, you aren't expendable."

I tried to shake my head but he held me too tight. Afraid to let me go. "If something goes wrong then they have what they need to make the weapon. Trust me. Tony doesn't like it any better than you but he doesn't have a say. Plus I already agreed."

He stepped back and put his hands down. I felt an instant loss from his touch. I could see his barrier going up. The difference between Bucky and the soldier was obvious and he still used him to protect himself. "Why? They could kill you?" His voice was so low and hoarse. 

"They could kill you, the team or worse, an entire continent...city. How could I say no if I could help end this?" You explained heatidly. It seemed like the obvious answer to you. 

His brows stitched together and stormed out of the room. I heard the elevator ding and knew he left the floor. Part me wanted him to be mad because he had found feelings for me over this short time, or maybe I was just an asset that he really was committed to protecting. I really didnt know at this point. But the doubt surfaced and settled on the fact that I'm a mission of sorts. His mission is to protect me and I just made it infinitely harder.

I resigned to the bath and wondered how many women he had thoughtfully done this for.

How many women had James Buchanan Barnes taken care of? Somehow jealousy seeped through because I wanted him to be mine.

How do you warm the heart of a winter soldier?

BUCKYS POV

The room was closing in on me. I ran. What I'm good at. I left her there. Bruises and all. I knew I needed her from the moment at her house. When we locked eyes the first time. It was like my heart had beat for the first time and the blood in my veins had finally thawed.

Now I could lose her. I've lost everything at some point and I finally found her and I haven't even had a chance to try to be a man that could deserve her or earn her love and this shit happens. Fuck that. She deserves more than being fucking bait.

I found Steve's office and he had plans laid out on his desk, he stood up to meet me. "Buck, are you ok? What happened?" I saw his body tense. He knew what was coming.

I shook my head at grabbed his shirt and pushed him against the wall.

" You can't have her! She can't risk her life and be the bait, Steve!" His face instantly fell into remorse and regret. " I know man. I fought hard on this. So did Tony. But she went above us, and Fury is backing her up. We don't have a say. All I can do is make sure that we are prepared."   
He didn't fight me. And held his hands up while I held him against the wall trying to control my breathing. After 2 minutes...or hell 10 minutes I finally was able to breathe.

I let go of his shirt and my head fell and he hugged me. "I fell for her." He let out a small laugh. " I knew you would. That why I assigned you to watch her, you two need one another. I knew you keep her safe. Does she know?"

We let go and stood back from each other. "No. I'm an asshole. She wouldn't go for me anyway. I'm a shell of a man with nothing to offer someone like her. She could have anyone. She's a Stark. I'm the pathetic mess that sleeps outside her room most nights to make sure she's safe for fuck sake."

I collapsed in the chair in front of Steve's desk. Steve sat down in front of me and shook his head. "While she's a Stark now she hasn't always been. She's had a pretty shitty life. Even with Tony. He's done his best but he's no father figure. We are just as much her family as he is and she needs you Bucky. She needs the man you were and the man you are now."

We both sat in silence staring at each other for a long moment.

Nat poked her head in the office. "Not to break up the girl talk but I know Y/N, I've seen the way she looks at you. Now stop being a baby and make a move." She rolled her eyes and came in.   
"Now if you two are done can we review the plans. We need to make this foolproof. Then you can go woo the Lady, Barnes."

Y/N POV

Hours had passed.

"Friday where is Sergeant Barnes?"

"He is with Agent Romanoff and Captain Rogers in his office going over plans for the upcoming mission. Would you like for me to page him for you?"

I laid on my bed and declined Fridays offer. I reluctantly fell asleep. In a few days, I could lose everything, quite literally and the only person that gives me peace is angry for my choice. What kind of person would I be if I didn't do this though?

I can tell you...a shitty one.

*Time lapse*

I woke up to complete darkness and looked at the clock. 3 A.M. I kicked the covers off and decided to go to the living room and look out the balcony. Sometimes the city lights would lull me into sleep.

I opened my door and saw Bucky leaning up against the wall with his arms crossed and his head down. He was in a tight white shirt and some grey sweatpants. I stood there a moment staring at him wondering what was going on. Had he slept walked out here?

I knelt down and brushed his hair behind his ears. "Buck?" I whispered.

He groaned. "Bucky. Are you ok." He roused and looked up at me then gauging his surroundings.

"Y-Yeah. I--I must've just fallen asleep." I nodded as I sat across from him. He looked everywhere but my face. I couldn't be sure if it was because of our fight or if he was embarrassed by falling asleep in the hall.

"OK. But can I ask....what were you doing out here."

 

His eyes met mine for a second and then he looked down the hall

" I-I feel better if I know you're safe." He paused almost shy and unsure and I could see the flush stain his cheeks.

"I sleep out here quite a bit. It's hard to sleep anyways for me and......" he trailed off so I just nodded and didn't say anything. "I know. It's pathetic."

I stood up and took his metal hand. "No, it's not." I led him into my room.

"What are you doing Y/N?"

I turned around and shrugged looking up into his blue orbs.

"The way I see it. I need you to feel safe. You need to know I'm safe. Stay."

For a moment my courage slipped and I looked down. Afraid he would say no. I could never read this man. Just when I thought I could he would turn cold and distant.

"For how long?"

I looked up and saw pain and the fear of rejection etched between his brows and in his eyes, it mirrored my internal battle. 

"For as long as I can have you, Barnes."

He closed his eyes for a moment and I took his hand and pulled him into the bed. His body was tense and he was unsure of himself. At the moment I didn't care what would happen tomorrow. As we lay face to face with each other I know that these moments are fleeting and I'll take whatever he gives me. At the moment though he was frozen. I debated on waiting for him to make a move but at this point, I could literally die before that happens.

Instead, I scooted closer to him in hopes that he would hold me. I moved his metal arm so it would wrap around me and buried my face in his chest. "Is this ok Bucky?"

He kissed my forehead. "It's better than ok Y/N."

He held me tight until we both found ourselves in deep contented sleep


	4. Daybreak

When I woke Bucky was asleep with his arms wrapped tightly around me and snuggled into my back. Our legs were intertwined and the deep rhythmic breathing was enough to make me want to stay like this. His metal fingers were intertwined with mine and the coolness of them was in sharp contrast to the heat that poured out of the rest of him.

I heard the elevator chime notifying me that someone was on the floor. If it was Tony this could be bad but it was too late to do anything about it. I held my breath waiting.  
I felt Bucky's body tense next to me alerting me that he was awake and knew that someone was approaching.

"Good morning Y/N." I rolled over and looked at him and smiled. "Morning. We have a visitor. I don't know who."

He nodded and rolled over. "Do you ..um...want me to hide." He asked slightly embarrassed but his body getting ready to bolt just in case I said the word. I laughed at the notion of anyone embarrassed by this amazing man and his bulky body. "No. Do you want to hide?" 

He relaxed at my answer. "No. I'd prefer to stay here all day, to be honest." We both blushed and before I could agree there was a knock on my door.

"Y/N, it's Steve. I'm looking for Buck. Have you seen him?" I heard an audible sigh from Bucky. "Cmon in." There was silence and then the door slowly opened and Steve's blonde head poked through the door carefully looking around. 

"I-I- I um I didn't mean to interrupt I just wanted to update you that we leave at 06:00 tomorrow for the base. Plans have been approved and finalized. We will do a final briefing at noon then the rest of the day is.um....yours."

He kept diverting his eyes trying to look anywhere but at us. Bucky spoke first. " Steve. Relax. We just slept. She caught me sleeping in the hall." He visibly relaxed and ran his hands through his perfect hair and chuckled in relief. 

"Oh, so you told her!" Bucky sat up in bed and curtly replied. " We'll see you at the briefing, Cap." Steve quickly turned away and scurried out of the room and off the floor. Bucky turned to me almost asking permission to lay back down.

"Stay please." He smiled and laid back down and opened his arms for me to climb back in. I quickly crawled over into them and rested my head on his shoulder. My nose was rubbing his jawline and I fought the urge to lay kisses on him and tell him that he was wanted. But I didn't know if that would cross the line that he didn't want to be crossed.

I felt so unsure of what to do around him. Afraid to push him too quickly, but in the back of my mind afraid that if I didn't I may never get the chance. Tomorrow was quickly approaching.

"Y/N?" I hummed in response. "Have you ever been in love?" My hand was playing with his hair as he spoke, twirling around my fingers. "Yes. I have." I could feel his facial features frown at my answer and his body tense slightly ."What was he like?" he questioned further.

"Rough around the edges to almost everyone but infinitely kind to me. Silent, but that made every word he spoke that much more valuable to me. Incredibly sexy and a gentleman, I haven't met very many of those. He could look at me and do things that twisted my insides in such a way." His body was tensing at the way I spoke but I kept going.

"Don't get me wrong he has a temper. But I bet the makeup sex would be great. I suppose being a virgin though any sex would be great."

He turned to look at me confused. "You're a virgin? You were never with him?"I smiled and ran my fingers through his hair while confirming the jealousy all over his face."Are you jealous, James? If I was with him?" He let out a low growl subconsciously.

"Answer the question doll." My eyebrows rose at his sternness. "Yes to the first question."He paused his eyes searching mine complete silence. "And were you ever with him."He was growing impatient and part of me loved it.

" Were. You. Ever. With. Him?" He enunciated every word while pressing his body into mine."Define 'with him', James." I could feel his heart pounding as my hand now lay on his chest. He bit his lip hard and growled at me. "Let him touch you." His jaw was clenched and he was breathing a bit heavier than usual."Well, you would know. How much have I let you touch me, James?"

Realization dawned on him that I was speaking about him all this time. I chuckled at his naivety and that he was so insecure about himself that he never even thought that I could've been talking about him. I stopped laughing when I took in the intensity and lust on his face as he memorized mine. Without a word, he grabbed the back of my head and gently pulled me towards him crashing his warm lips on mine.

It started off gentle at first and then became more wanted and passionate. Our tongues interlacing and exploring each other. I let out a moan and he rolled over on top of me. He took most of his weight on his arms but I could feel every muscle and his hardness pressed against me. I wrapped my leg around him and he growled into the kiss.

He broke apart and studied my face. My lips were swollen and we were both out of breath.  
" I've fallen in love with you Y/N. Be mine."I brought my hands to his face. "For how long?"He gently kissed me. "For as long as I can have you."

We must've laid like that in each other's arms for some time because the next thing we knew it was time for the briefing. I climbed out of bed and grabbed some jeans and a plain black t-shirt and cardigan. All the while with Bucky's gaze fixed on me." Are you going to get ready or just stare at me?" He shook his head almost to get a thought out of it and walked wordlessly out of my room with a smirk on his face

I couldn't contain the smile on my face. The thought that this man was mine for however long....I couldn't believe it. I walked out of my room and met him by the elevator. "Ready to face the team?" He asked. I shrugged. " Are you ready to face my dad?" I chuckled. "Doll. I could take anything as long as you're the one nursing my wounds." He lent in kissing me.

"But should I ask him if I can date you? I'm not really sure how that works these days?" He looked worried and I could help but tease him.I laughed as we took the elevator to the team floor. "Well, that depends, Bucky? What are your intentions with me? Are they honorable or are they on the more naughty and deplorable nature?"

He blushed a shade of red that I didn't think was possible. " What if I were to say..both?"I chuckled. "Then I would say good luck with Tony. You're gonna have fun with his new Ironman suit." I patted him on his delicious pectoral and exited the elevator leaving him behind.We came into the briefing room and I sat next to dad. 

Bucky came in and stood next to me and Tony and cleared his throat. Tony looked up at him. Oh, sweet heavens he took our conversation literally and was currently not looking at my signals to sit down and abort his current mission.

"Whats on your mine Mr. Robot? Blueberry?" Tony offered him some of his food." If I may have a word with you...privately." My eyes widened and Tony looked from him to me and back again.

"Okaaay. But no one better touch my blueberries. That means you mini-me." He pointed at me. "Don't worry. I suddenly lost my appetite." I mumbled.Steve was sitting across from me with Sam by his side who was grinning from ear to ear.

"Please don't tell me he is doing what I think he is doing Y/N." Steve solemnly asked while Sam giggled. " I thought he was joking and he took my sarcasm seriously." I bit my lip and looked over at the duo speaking.

We all watched through the glass as Bucky spoke with my father in a very serious nature. Then out of nowhere, Tony punched him. Hard. Bucky's head barely moved but my dad's hand was clearly hurt as he shook it and walked back towards the room.

I immediately stood up. When he walked in he could see the worry on my face and smirked. He leaned in and kissed my cheek. " What kind of father would I be if I didn't at least punch him? Now be a good girl and get me an ice pack." I wordlessly nodded and turned to leave.

He turned around so everyone could hear. "He's a good guy for you. Even though I dislike him." I smiled and walked out. Bucky was standing there with his head low. " Well, that was a fucking disaster I blew it. "I grabbed his hand. "C'mon Barnes." I led him to the kitchen. He had a busted lip and a bruised ego and in the current moment thought he lost the girl.

"Do you think I can try again? Make him change his mind?" I saw worry in his eyes as I put ice on his lip. "James, you've got his blessing." His breath caught. "HE PUNCHED ME DOLL." He shook his head and threw his arms in the air in surrender. I laughed. "It's Tony. Besides what did you say to him anyway."

He shyly smiled and paused. " I said that over the short time that I've spent with you I have found that you are the most intelligent, kindest and most stunning woman that I have ever met and if I could have his blessing I would like to court you in the hopes that one day we may have something more. I know that I don't have anything to offer but I can promise to protect you from all others including myself and give you all that I do have and all of my love."

My eyes were wide and I whispered his name and then kissed him. He tasted a bit of blood and salt but I didn't care. You can't say something like that and expect me not to kiss you. How can someone so introverted and stoic be such a romantic? Where did he come from?

Oh, wait-a cryogenic chamber and was born in the 40's. A rare breed indeed.

FRIDAY came on "Ms. Stark. Your father would like to know where is ice is. And he says that if Mr. Barnes has his bionic arm on his daughter he will happily use his good hand to punch him again."

I laughed. " Tell him I'll be there momentarily."

"We better go doll but we're not done yet." He leaned in and nibbled on my ear and earned a soft moan from me before we scurried out with the ice bag for my dad's hand.


	5. Furnace

To say that the briefing was a full success would be a lie. It was tense and every little detail was broken down and analyzed and then re-analyzed. Everyone was afraid for my safety that they of all people knew that plans never go to....well uh..as planned. So after four hours. I had enough. Amidst Nat and Steves heated discussion I stood up and whistled. "That's enough."

They all turned around and looked at me with my hands on the table."You guys are fucking Avengers and you are acting like this is for your first mission."Bucky tried to speak. "This is y----" I put my hand up and he silenced at once."I know the risk Sargeant Barnes, spare me. I can handle myself in the field, maybe not to the ex-assassin material but I can kick Agent Hill's ass quite easily. So spare you all of your patronizing tones."I walk around the table and put my arm on Tony and Bucky's arms. "You guys need to compartmentalize your shit otherwise tomorrow is going to be a mess. I'm not the only person who could be hurt and no one is taking that into consideration." I look around the room. " If something happens to me, I need everyone to be ok with that. You can't _just_ be looking out for me. I need you to look out for each other like you always do."

Steve cleared his throat. "I think we're done here, thank you Y/N. I'll make any necessary revisions to the plan. Dismissed." Everyone slowly cleared the room to have the rest of the day off but Tony lingered."Love you mini." He hugged me. "Love you Dad but I got a date with a soldier." He scowled. "I can't believe my darling socialite daughter has fallen for a geriatric man. The worse part is he has a bionic arm." His eyes narrowed and Bucky became uncomfortable with his comment and tensed up."Hurt her and my new suit comes out and we play. Understand Buckaroo?" Bucky nodded. "Yes." Tony smirked and walked out. "C'mon soldier. It's time for you to woo me."

* * *

 

We went to my floor and separated to get ready. Bucky had enlisted some help and kept me in the dark. With everything going on we had to stay in the tower but that was fine. Just as long as I was with Bucky I really didn't care. He had said to dress up like we were going to one of my dad's famous parties so I did and when he knocked on my door I nearly grabbed him and took him straight to the bed.

 

  (Choose your favorite (Choose your favorite. My personal is the sweetheart neckline with the gold belt)

 His hair was slicked back and he was wearing all black suit. He looked sinful and I wanted him to do every sin that came to mind on my body at that exact moment. "You look so fucking stunning Y/N. I can't imagine a dame like you would go out with a guy like me." I blushed as he took my dress and form in. I was still wordless as I looked at him with my breathing a bit labored. I licked my lips. "Doll?" "I'm sorry. You---you have me speechless James. I've never seen anyone in my entire life as handsome as you." He flashed me a genuine smile reminiscent of James Buchanan Barnes that sent my heart a flutter. "I had Wanda cut my hair. I hope you like it."

 I closed the gap between up and ran my hand up his chest and then around his neck. He held my waist firm between his hands. My body heated like a furnace next to his massive frame. "I'd like it any way you have it, just as long as I can pull it later." I whispered into his ears earing a deep growl. He leaned in for a kiss and I tisked. "Not these lips Bucky. I dressed for a fancy restaurant so lipstick was included." I teased and his eyes narrowed when he realized that no kiss was happening until the end of the date and he would have to resort to alternative measures. He leaned in and kissed the sweet spot on my neck and nibbled my ear then took my hand walking away. He chuckled at my whine from the loss of touch of his lips.

As I walked into the living room I saw that it was romantically lit, thanks to the girls, and the balcony had twinkle lights and candles for dinner. "The girls helped with the....ambiance? And my makeover. Bruce and Sam actually cooked." I smiled and kissed his cheek at the thoughtfulness and made mental note to thank everyone for all of their help. He led me out onto the balcony that overlooked New York and he pulled out my seat and pushed me back in. "I miss home but I miss this view." I looked out. Suddenly a man came out in a black and white suit and started pouring wine and serving us food. Bucky smiled and shrugged. "That was Tony's doing." I nodded.

As we started eating and enjoying the food I could tell he was nervous. "Spill it Barnes. What's in the handsome head of yours?" He smirked with a lopsided but breathtaking grin, it should be criminal. "I know it's our first date and everything but we haven't really talked about the future...past tomorrow." It was true but we haven't because everyone has been so scared of what tomorrow will bring. "I'd love to talk about our future. I just didn't want to rush you and scare the shit out of you." His face relaxed and I got another smile. Swoon. "I just got nervous when your dad talked about you and me earlier and thought that maybe this wouldn't be something that you would want for a future. Like me, I want it. But if it's not...for you... I need to prepare myself." He meant he had let his walls down and he needed to know if he needed to put them back up.

Damn Tony and his ever running sarcastic flapper mouth. "Oh. Tell Tony to go suck on a screwdriver!" He laughed. " James. I know we have said we want each other for however long. To be clear though this is real. I don't want anyone else but you and I have never felt this way with anyone. I know its cliche or whatever but I don't care what the fuck anyone else says.  You're my first and last." He grabbed my hands and pulled me over to his lap and we started sharing a plate and the wine.

"So where are we going to live?" He asked while we shared the Y/F/F. I thought it over and to be honest it really didn't matter to me as long as we were together. "Where do you want to live?" I asked. "Hey, that cant just be my decision that should be for us to decide together?" He gently kissed me and you wanted the choice to be his because in honesty you didn't care. "Darling, most of your life has been stolen from you and I have seen how tense you are when you don't feel safe. So again. Where do you want to live. I don't care as long as I get to see you happy and asleep beside me. Perimeter checks aren't really a turn on for me." I wink at him. "To be honest. Can we have everything about your house brought here?" I laughed out loud.

"What?" You turn to a very serious-faced Bucky looking at you right at the moment. "You had me on the motorcycle in the corner of the living room." He ran his metal hand up my thigh and I shivered at the warmness of the flesh hand the cold of the metal hand, he stopped misinterpreting. "Sorry Y/N." You shook your head and took his hands back and placed them where they were before. "No. That was a good shiver. Anytime I do that it's good. Trust me. Now keep that sexy metal hand on my thigh." The wine was kicking in and he laughed. "Nat warned me about kinks. I'm guessing that's one of yours?" He smiled and looked at me mischeviously.

"Are you talking to Natasha about our sex life already?" He adamantly started shaking his head no. "No she was just catching me up with the century." I nodded. "I can assure you that things of today can be highly overrated but we can explore some of those together if you like. I may just need some more wine." He smiled at my willingness to do anything and everything for him. "All in good time doll. " We finished our meal and then like a normal date decided take me dancing. ....on the rooftop


	6. Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has sexual encounters and explicit content so if you are under age or if this offends you then you will want to skip this chapter. Thank you!

Our hands intertwined as we rode in the elevator to the very top of the tower. He held me close as he smiled but otherwise stayed silent. To be able to enjoy each other in silence was something that I would cherish. 

The doors opened to a true sight. There were lights and flowers everywhere. With the help of the team no doubt it was the set of a cheesy romance novel and I loved every single moment of it. This sexy, stoic, assassin who was shut off to the world was the kindest and most romantic person I had ever laid my eyes on. I looked up at him and he held a cocky smirk in place which was a complete contrast to what lay before you. 

"Cmon doll. You promised me a dance." He picked up a remote and pressed play and some Y/F/M played to a slow tune and he wrapped a strong hand around my waist and took my hand and started leading.

I rested my head on his chest and we stayed like this for some time. He pulled me closer and sighed. " I need you to promise me something, James."

I looked up at him, in the purest blue eyes that I have ever seen. "When tomorrow comes and we leave...promise me that if something happens. You'll be ok."  
  
  


He stopped dancing and chuckled darkly. He walked over to the loveseat and sat down and looked up at me expectantly while I just stared at him confused in front of him. 

"C'mon doll." He pulled me towards me and I straddled his lap making him groan slightly as I shifted to get comfortable.

"For decades I haven't been 'ok', that is until Steve sent me to keep an eye on you. What in the hell makes you think I'd be ok without you?" He grabbed my face in his hands making me look at him. "You're _mine_ woman." He growled out. "Whether you like it or not." I tried to hide my smile at the possessiveness in his tone but the playful lust that was in his eyes. I'm all for the feminist movement but when you have a man like that underneath you gripping your hips and thighs like it's his lifeline and saying those things, fuck it. Your heart was a flutter and at any other time, this would be a dream come true and it was, even now. Still though, reality hit like a freight train and you had to let him know how you felt. You wanted him to be ok, even if it would be a hard fight for him. He needed to fight for that, he survived so much and you two barely knew each other, you refused to be the thing that broke this man. 

"I'm very much human though Bucky and I could very well be hurt and the thought of you suffering because of me..."He cut me off. "Suffering is in my nature doll. I'm a miserable scrap of a man, except when I'm with you. Hell, even when I was in the 40's. I was a joke... a flirt and a generally likable guy -but a joke. You make me more. So for tonight lets not worry about what we can lose and just be." His eyes were pleading with me and if that's all that I could give him then I would give him tonight with the hope of more, but the reality that there may not be any. 

I silently nodded and leaned in closer. I could feel the hot breath coming from his lips and could hear his breathing becoming shallower. His eyes drifted over my face and settled on my mouth while my eyes took in the plumpness of his pink lips. He closed the distance and kissed me. It was deep, passionate and slow. We wanted to take our time and make tonight last forever and have it burn into our memories. His tongue slowly asked for permission into my mouth and I gladly accepted. It tasted of wine and I relished in it, his metal hand tightened on my hip while his other hand found my hair. My hands threaded through his locks and my nails dragged across his scalp earning a deep growl. He broke the kiss and his luscious lips traveled to my earlobe and then my jawline.

"James..." another growl from his throat and a squeeze from his hand on my hip which elicited a moan from me. He pulled back and looked into my eyes. "Doll...I need you but.. I haven't been with a dame since before the war. " He looked down seemingly embarrassed and unsure of what really to do.  I tugged on his hair and he looked up at me with his lust filled eyes. "Well, then your long overdue, Soldier. Do with me what you may..." He bit his lip and picked me up with my legs still around his waist and took to the elevator still kissing me.

Upon making it to my floor he slammed me into the nearest wall and quickly apologized for his roughness and my response was a slight giggle. I liked to urgency and roughness of this kisses and touch. I loved seeing him unravel at my contact and seeing what I did to him. I managed to unbutton his shirt partially by the time we made it to my bed while he gently put me down. "Will you help me, James?" I turned around showing him the zipper to the dress. "Fuck, doll. This is the sexiest thing I've ever done."I looked at him confused. "Undressing a woman?" He nodded and you saw his cheeks turn pink.

"Honest. In the day it was more of quickies. Lift the skirt and go on. I know not very gentlemanly. N'ver made love to a woman." His hands drifted to the back of my dress and I could feel his flesh fingers shaking, so nervous. "Please tell me if I hurt you." The dress dropped and I turned around and his hands were touching me so delicately that it was as though I was a porcelain doll. 

I had black demure lace bra and panty set with garter and hosiery on. His eyes took everything in and I could see his cock pressed up against his trouser pants. "Holy fucking shit Y/N. I've never seen something so beautiful." I put my hand gently up his chest and across his metal arm and scarred shoulder and to his face, to which he leaned. "I'm all yours, James Buchanan Barnes. I trust you and I know you won't hurt me, please just put your hands on me, love." His eyes finally met mine and they were hungry and starved for affection and love, but anyone who knows him would know that he was deprived of these things for so damn long its a wonder he could even function like a civil person to anyone. 

"I love you more than anything in this cruel world. You are the only thing that is good and if anything happens to you I will fucking kill everything." Before I could say anything he picked me up and laid me on the bed and gently climbed on top and held his weight on his arms and thighs to keep from crushing me although I would welcome the weight and security that his thick body would bring.

The kisses were passionate and ravenous. His hands went behind my back and tried to unhook my bra but I smiled and rolled over on top of him. He just stared at me in awe as I took off my bra and slid it off and discarded it somewhere in the room. His rough and calloused hands gently massaged my breasts as he lifted himself up and took one of them in his mouth and sucked on the nub causing me to buck on his clothed cock and moan. " You like that doll?" He pinched the other nipple with his cold metal fingers which created a different sensation. I rolled my hips into him and he growled.

"You have too many clothes on James. I want to see you, baby." I could feel him smile against my naked skin. He rolled me over and was again on top. He got off the bed and stood up. I sat on my knees wanting to see all of him. I could see every bit of his muscled body glistened with sweat and I bit my lip then locked his eyes with mine. There was a mixture of lust, appreciation, and cockiness. Knowing that I was turned on by him. Knowing that even though for the longest time he has felt undeserving and unlovable, I loved him and wanted all of him. And at this precise moment found him so fucking desirable and he knew it by the wet spot on his trousers from where I was grinding against him unashamed not 2 minutes ago.

"James, I need you. Please." I could tell my words egged him on. He bit his lip and knew that if he didn't hurry the fuck up I was about to get off this bed and rip the remainder of his clothes off because of my lack of self-control. 

His pulled down the rest of his boxer briefs and his exorbitant hard cock was exposed. My mouth opened wondering how in the hell that was going to ....he cleared his throat. "James..you are ...huge." He smirked and shrugged. "The super soldier serum worked on multiple areas. Y/N, I'll be gentle, baby. At least until you tell me _not_ to be gentle." His last words sent shivers down my spine. He laid next to me and bit my neck and his hands went between my legs, tickling my thighs. "Please James, don't tease me."

"What do you want to do, doll. Tell me. I'd do anything for you." His hot breath was in my ear as he licked my sweet spot and I moaned. "I want your fingers inside of my pussy. I'm so wet for you, James." He groaned and pushed the lacy fabric aside and ran his flesh fingers into my wet folds. "J-James."

"That's right doll." He pumped his finger inside and curled it all the while kissing me. All of the sensations from him were too much. From anyone else, it would've been nothing. But from James everything felt magnified, he held a gravitational pull to me right now and I was about to see stars and he had just started. He put in two more fingers. "Fuck doll, your dripping. Next time I'm going to bury my face in your pussy. Have you come on my lips." He thrust his long fingers into my core and curved them hitting my g-spot and I moaned loudly, unashamed and he sucked on my neck, leaving a mark.

"James. Please. F-fuuck." He kept pumping his fingers and his thumb found my clit and I came hard and fast, shaking. "Look at me, doll. I want to see you face as I make you come." I opened my eyes as I came and he bit his lip."Shit, now _that's_ the sexiest thing I've ever seen." I smiled. "You haven't seen anything Sargent." I had become emboldened and confident these past few days with him and I loved the smirk that he gave me at that moment. I wanted to nibble on his bottom lip, then I remembered that I could because he's mine. So I did just that and I felt his cock twitch and grown to an even larger and impossible size against my thigh. He pulled away and brought his wet fingers to his mouth and sucked them clean. I gasped. "But that is the sexiest thing that _I_ have ever seen, James. Fuckin' hell." He moaned when I leaned in and kissed him still tasting a bit of my high on his tongue. We kissed a few moments as my hand pumped his already hard cock. I put it to my entrance as he rolled on top of me. "Are you sure doll?" He searched my eyes for any doubt but no trace of any, only pure desire and love for him. 

"Fuck me, James. Make love to me. I need to you in every fucking way I can have you." He slowly entered me and I gasped at his considerable size filling me up and it hurt so good. I felt so empty to this point and he filled up every single spot. I let out a sultry moan and he suckled on my neck. "If you keep making those sounds I won't last long at all." He squeezed his eyes shut."I'm sure you've got a few rounds in you, Sergeant." His eyes shot open and I smiled. "You like it when I call you sergeant, James?" He bit his lip and started moving finally but still said nothing. I gripped his shoulders as he just stared into my eyes. "Yea, just like that Sergeant Barnes. Please. I need your cock. It's all I want." I moaned and he slammed into me harder and I gasped at the pleasure but he paused to gain some composure for himself, he refused to go to early even though I already came. At this moment I didn't care I just wanted him to come. I just needed him to keep going and give everything to me. 

"Don't you dare stop! Fuck me, sergeant. I need it." I grabbed his hair and pulled on it with one hand and scratched my nails down his back with my other hand earning a delicious moan from him."Oh, fuck Y/N. You make me feel so good. I need you baby. Please. Don't. Ever. Leave. Me." With every word and pounded into me. He gripped the headboard with his metal hand I bit his shoulder to stifle a moan. 

"Oh fuck doll. I need to hear you. Please. Let everyone hear what I do to you baby" He face was dripping sweat and his hair was damp and he had never looked so sexy."Oh, James. You are so fucking hot Sarge. You make me feel so good. I'm so close. Please fill me up. I need your cum inside me. Please baby. Make me cum with your big cock. C'mon Sergeant Barnes." I moaned when he bit my shoulder and my walls clenched around his thick cock, fluttering and squeezing him tightly.

"I'm comin', doll. You're so fuckin' tight on me." We saw stars together and I felt his cock twitch inside as he collapsed on top of me and my pussy milked everything from him. He supported most of his weight on his arms but then out of nowhere the bed collapsed with a loud noise causing me to scream. Bucky held me close not sure what was happening and taking the brunt of the hit as he held me on top of him as he landed on the floor. We just stared at one another while we were tangled up with each other and sheets.

"Holy shit, Doll. We broke your bed." I just shrugged. "I guess this means that we get to start buying this together." He laughed and gave me a quick kiss. "How about we take a shower and then camp out on the mattress and make love all night?"

"Sounds like a plan, Sarge." I smiled.

He groaned at the nickname. "You're going to be the death of me, doll."

 


	7. Homecoming

We awoke the next morning to F.R.I.D.A.Y. telling us of our immediate attendance required in the briefing room. Bucky and I reluctantly and yet swiftly untangled our bodies from one another and dressed in our tactical gear. Mine was new and his was very worn, obviously intimidating and yet strangely sexy. I had to swallow a moan when he bent over to tie his boot.

He met me at the door and held out his hand and I silently took it.  We hastily made our way to the briefing room to a Tony that was irate in a black iron suit yelling at Cap. It took me a moment to take in the scene of chaos and testosterone that lay before me.

"I'm not an idiot  Cap. It's called _in_ disguise." Tony was yelling at Steve while he just stood there with his arms crossed with a look of resolve knowing that his mind was made up and nothing was going to change his mind. Certainly not another Stark temper tantrum. At this point, Steve was immune to Tony's....charms.

"Tony, Y/N is going in as bait to lure them out and distracting them so we can destroy the base so they _don't_ get to you. Now _you_ want to go to protect Y/N. Don't you think that defeats the purpose? Furthermore, I don't care if you dress up  in a tutu and a masquerade mask, you're still not going Stark."  Tony took a few steps closer to  Cap with his iron man-machine whirring, Steve didn't flinch. Shit was about to get real.

I stepped in to calm them down before a war started. "It's pointless Dad. Back off. We all knew how this was going to go. So just leave it be." I raised my brow. Which just pissed him off. "Don't be such a prick. No one likes you when you act like this. While I appreciate you wanting to protect me. I have Bucky and Steve as my babysitters today. I'll be fine." I couldn't give him a hug so I stood up and gave him a kiss on his cheek and walked towards the door. "See you soon."

With that, we all departed for the quinjet with very sullen Tony Stark following and the tension was thick. Goodbyes were said and then the jet took flight. We would land on the base at sundown so for the whole of the day, I was between a nervous wreck or sleeping on Bucky's lap with him playing with my hair while reading his book. I would catch Nat or Steve smirking at us from across the jet but nothing was said about the soft change in Bucky's winteresque demeanor.   As we were nearing the base Bucky took my hand and lead me to the back of the jet and pressed me against the corner with his body against me.

"So this is what's going to happen, doll. We land. You stay with me and Steve. You have your coms and training but if you lose one of us, _find another avenger._ " He was gripping my hips and his blue eyes were a deep stormy grey. "All goes well we get the intel, rest of the team sets the bombs. The base is done and we can go home.  After this, I'll go and do whatever you want to do. I'll follow you anywhere." His forehead pressed against mine and his breathing was labored but he was trying so hard to be calm. 

"And if I wanted to stay here?" He looked back at me in each eye with a smirk. "You would do that?"I shrugged. "We could build a life. As long as we have each other I think it could work." I smiled.  He kissed me.

He took off his dog tags and unzipped the tight suit I was wearing and put them around my neck and in my suit. "If they find you, they won't kill you. They'll torture you to get Tony out of hiding. Even if we destroy the base with all of the intel, if they have you they'll want to kill Tony if only for revenge. Stay alive for me and _I will find you_." I nodded.

"I can do this James. I promise." He kissed me hard at that and then turned and walked out. I choked back the tears and concentrated on evening out my breathing. I could do this. I'm a fucking Stark and my boyfriend is the Winter Fucking Soldier. I've got this.  And with that, I walked out with a new purpose.   
—————————————————————————————————————————————————

Our plan was to sneak in through the underground caverns and then up through the basement, essentially. The team was to split-up setting bombs throughout while Cap, Bucky and I went to the control room and extracted the evidence with me as a distraction or bait if needed for Cap to complete the mission.

We rounded the final corridor before the last of the teams split up with Nat and Clint heading off, Nat squeezing my shoulder and smirking. 

Cap whispered to me. "Where to y/n?" I looked down at the holographic map projecting off of my arm display. "Two lefts and then one right. After the first left, there is a medium size heat signature on the right." He nodded and pressed on further down the maze.  

I looked up at Bucky and he nodded to my sidearm which I readied as we stealthily went forward. Cap motioned a hand signal to which Bucky immediately flanked him and the next thing I knew they were in action. There were 10 Hydra soldiers against my two super soldiers. Bucky and Cap fought back to back.

They relied on hand to hand combat to minimize the noise level and effortlessly passed the shield between both of them. One of the soldiers saw me standing close the wall and lurched forward. My voice escaped me and I remained silent at his menacing smirk. I didn't want to shoot my gun in fear that more soldiers would arrive. Instead, I holstered it and stood in my fighting position like Nat had taught me. He stopped and crossed his armed at me. "Aren't you a cute little thing. Let's see what you can do with those legs, huh?" His lewd comment sparked a thought in my head and I ran with it. Literally. Full speed ahead and when he coiled for the impact I misdirected towards the wall and ran up and flipped over and wrapped said legs around his neck and pulled him to the ground, all while landing on my feet. Completely shocked and proud that it actually worked, I laughed. Bucky ran over to me to check for any injuries but was stunned. "Holy fuckin A, doll! That was sexy as hell." He kissed me on the lips briefly and with excited bright blue eyes. Cap laughed at him. "You alright Y/N?" I nodded.

"I'm surprised it worked, just call me Lara Croft." They simultaneously said. "I understood that reference. I just shook my head and walked up to Steve while I silently thanked Clint and his love for Angelina Jolie and movie nights. "We better hurry before more of them show." He agreed and we went further towards the control room.

Third person point of view**

As you three entered you stood near the rear watching for heat signatures while the two soldiers checked the perimeter of the lab and then started extracting the files. "Seems too easy, Steve." Buck states in a deep timber making your nerves stand on end and the goosebumps take over your skin. You kept your watch on the screen but out of nowhere, chaos erupted on the coms. "Clint's down! I'm hit too, but I'll survive." Nat's voice was shaky was she held firm. 

Then we heard Sam. "On our way to you. Standy."

"We got the information. It's time to go." Steve said and took the drive and tucked it into his stealth suit and led the way out. Bucky came up and put his forehead to you. "Stay close, doll. I gotta feel'n." His brows hitched together and you nodded slowly. He placed you closely behind him and was hesitant to let go of your hand.

After Cap confirmed that Nat and Clint were in the clear all three of you were headed back to the jet the way you came.

The soldiers led in the front but as you were in the last corridor a metal wall quickly came down and before Bucky could drop underneath it, you were already separated. The soldiers and you banged on it and you were unable to make out the words they were saying. It was too thick and you didn't have super soldier hearing. Although you were sure they could hear your desperate pleading and cries.

"Hello, Miss ...Stark" An impressive man in a dark suit emerged from the shadows with a menacing smirk. " I've been watching you, my dear. While I enjoyed the show I had to wait until you were separated from the soldiers to made a move and here you are, love." He reached out a hand and you actually managed to laugh at him. 

You stood firm at his scowl and his threatening stance, you wouldn't cower to him without a fight.  "Come now. It can be easy or I can make it hard. Something tells me I will enjoy it either way with something as sweet as you." Your body was shivering and you could no longer hear Bucky or Cap which hopefully meant they were trying to find another way to you. All you had to do was hold off. Survive. Bucky would find you...sooner or later. The man in front of you was disgustingly handsome and the thought of him touching you in any fashion made your skin crawl and urged you to find a shower. 

"I don't do things easy. I'm a Stark, if you've done any research you would know that asshole." The man smirked and nodded. "Hard it is." He strode over to you and raised his hand to smack you and you easily dodged it.  He was arrogant and entitled and thought you would easily fold but he still just laughed you off. You swung at him and connected with his rib and he let out a grown. He walked back and made a tsk tsk while gruffly taking off his suit jacket. "My My. I am going to have so much fun, darling." His pet names just pissed you off, even more, making you put up even more of a fight. 

"I'm not your fucking, darling. Asshat" You found your voice and took a fighting stance like Nat trained you. You knew he was getting off on this which disgusted you but had to buy some time or at least go down with a fight. There was one or two things that were happening. One: Bucky or all of them were trying to get to you and haven't left. Two: They left you because they got the information and they would come back for you. Which means that this fight would be for nothing except to make the punishment more brutal.

He came at you and you dodged and danced around and punched his left ribs.  He quickly recovered and caught you off guard and lunged at you shoving you into the wall. He grabbed your hair you yelped and put his long skeleton-like fingers around your throat. "That's it darling. I love those sounds." You bit your tongue to hold any sounds from escaping and he frowned at your resolve. 

He punched you in the gut knocking the air out of you and then took your hands and held them above your head roughly. You managed to roll your hips out and then knee him in the groin and then he lost his footing. You fell to the ground and gasped for air and he rushed you and pushed you over onto the rough concrete flooring. 

"You know they left little, Stark." He climbed on top of you and you started hitting him and he laughed at your weak attempts. He grabbed your hands and pinned them. You could see other HYDRA soldiers lined up in the back at the ready, knowing that they were ready for some time to back him. But he had you, you were no match. Just a plaything. A plaything until your Bucky found you.

He yanked you up from the ground and pulled you down the corridor. You freed a hand and swiped your right hand up and gave him a right hook to his perfect nose. "Fucking Bitch!" He hissed as blood trickled down his perfect face. You smirked even as he hauled off and tried to backhanded you. You knew you couldn't dodge it with his hands gripped so heavily in your hair but you took it like the assassin you were trained by. With a fuckin' grin. Blood trickled out of your mouth as he pulled you down the hallway, now by your arm while he held a handkerchief to his bloody nose with his free hand. 

 "Where are we going?" He ignored your question and took you to an elevator.  He had a relentless grip on your bicep and dragged you out of the elevator and on to the helipad. As you looked out you could see no quinjet and no Avengers. That was the plan though and you couldn't be angry or mad, you were just sick with the unknown.

"Again, what are you going to do with me? You've lost the information. Captain America extracted it. I'm useless to you. Tony Stark is useless to you."

He laughed. " The information ...that was only part of it. HYRDA is not stupid." You laughed at his statement and he glares at you.

"As I was _saying_...It is incomplete and was a trap to get Stark, although we didn't get him we got you." He grazed his knuckles against your cheek and you pulled it back.

"My name is Freidrich." He had leaned in close and smelled your hair. "Fuck off, Freidrich." 

"Such a pretty little thing. It's no wonder The Winter Soldier has an eye for you." Your eyes snapped to him. "Yes, I watched him with you. It's no secret."

He was handsome and menacing and had dark whiskey eyes and a South African accent. He gave you chills to the deepest part of your bones and invaded the deepest recesses of your minds. A textbook sociopath and he was HYRDA's poster boy and you were his new pawn. Even if he didn't hurt your body you knew that you were going to have nightmares from him and whatever was to come. .... ...

 


	8. One

One month.

That's how long you were gone.

One.

That's how many hours Bucky had of sleep within the past 3 days.

One.

That's the last nerve that every Avenger had left as they searched for you.

An alarm sounded through the tower alerting everyone that new Intel had come through on your whereabouts. Everyone came flooding into the briefing room at a frantic pace. Dark bags accompanied the mass of sullen and pale figures, the most noticeable one was Bucky.

He was the embodiment of Bucky and the Winter Soldier rolled into one and he was a walking threat. Interns and agents alike avoided and scattered in his presence.  He had become a hybrid and no one could blame him, but even Cap had become weary and was borderline afraid of his friend and brother. Any moment he was fearful Bucky could snap and lose him forever.

Tony was the first to speak. " The dog tags were found. We finally were able to find a faint signal but still its something. They are in a base underground in the middle of bum fuck Siberia. Its a wonder we even..we even found her at...." His voice trailed off wondering what he would even find when they did find you.

Bucky remained silent as Tony and Steve threw out schematics and planned the rescue mission. Which they knew was also a trap, all odds were going to be against them but they had to try. Bucky stood up and everyone looked at him. For the first time in the month since you went missing, he had a calmness to him. He was frantic or angry. He wasn't anxious or fearful, he was resolute and they weren't sure if this was scarier or not but they didn't have any choice. 

"Say _the words_ and give me my mission. With the plan laid out and all of us...with me as the..with me as the Winter Soldier. I'll get Y/N out alive. Wherever she is... I'll find her." He took his shaking hands and crossed his arms to steady them. Never had he willingly asked to become Winter but he would do it a thousand times if he could get to you. Make you safe. It was the easiest decision he had ever made and at least he had the luxury of _choosing_  this time. 

Everyone was silent and stared at Bucky unsure if they actually heard him correctly. Steve was the first to speak up, his voice breaking the silence almost as if it was glass shards cutting through the air like skin and causing pain to all those around them. Everyone winced at his voice. "Absolutely not! I won't allow it. We are a team and I won't let you. We can do this with **you,** not the Winter Soldier!"

Bucky stood firm and didn't flinch at Steve yelling even though most of the team haven't heard him that angry before and that..broken.

Bucky just spoke calmly and the group knew that he had made up his mind, no matter what the Captain was going to say to try to sway him. "Steve, she's my girl. You would've done it for Peggy. I'm a super soldier sure, but I'm still just a man. _But_ if I'm activated I'm an...immovable force. I'll kill every fucker in there to get to her without missing a beat."

Steve took three strides to Bucky. "You listen to me James---Over my dea---"

Tony interrupted. "I'll activate him."

Steve stopped and everyone observed a broken Tony. A man whose daughter was gone and who clung to the hope that the man who killed his own parents could maybe bring her back, even if she was broken.  Bucky nodded at him with respect and admiration. They both knew that you were more important than anything else right now. You were the mission. He knew that out of everyone he could count on Tony. You were his daughter after all. Goddaughter sure, but daughter none the less. Through hell or high water, you and Tony would always agree on your safety and bringing out Winter was your best chance.

Bucky put his hands on Steve's shoulder to calm him when he was about to go toe to toe with Tony.

"It's my choice punk. Stand down. Once we have her just say Sputnik and put me under. She can bring me back, I know it." Steve's eyes were glassed over with worry and fear. He was afraid of that and of the fact that Winter didn't care about self-preservation and only the mission. Although at this point he knew Bucky would gladly give his life to ensure that you would survive.

Tony and Bucky headed to Bruce's lab to prepare for the return of the Winter Soldier. They needed to prepare for him and how to put him under just incase Sputnik didn't work.

________________________________________________________________________________

You hung from the wall in a bra and underwear. The room was cool and damp but your skin was on fire from the lashings. They tried to get you to call Tony and give your location and beg him to get you but you refused, time and time again.  It had gone like this since you got to the hell hole. You kept thinking the first few days that they would get the signal and have the element of surprise when you realized that the signal must be damaged or untraceable depending on where you were being held. Now you just refused to give them what they wanted. 

Friedrich tried to act kind at first which made your skin crawl. He tried to entice you to be his lover and now he tortures you daily in hopes you will surrender and beg for the Avengers to save you. At this point, the dog tags hanging around your neck are a constant reminder of Bucky which keeps you strong. But they also remind you that you are so far off the map that they cant even find you with the tracker.

The door opened and you were jolted awake by the metal door boots as Freidrich and his minion came in. You could see the blood all down your legs from where the lashes from the beatings were bleeding again from your movements, no doubt. If they weren't mindful you were certain to bleed out. The thought brought you peace which scared you even more, you didn't want to give up but you lost track of time and hope. 

"Tsk Tsk. It is such a bother to me to see such a divine beauty all ragged and bleeding. Such a waste." Freidrich cooed at your devastated state although you know it was for his own enjoyment of hearing himself speak.  He walked over to you and lifted your chin to look at him with a dramatic jerk of his long piano fingers.

"Even if your soldier came to you, I doubt he would want you anymore. Especially after I sent a message to them saying that we were lovers now and that you had betrayed them." He smiled at your look of horror and as the thought of him touching you the bile rose. He made you so ill that if you had eaten you would be sick all over him.

" He-He wouldn't believe such a thing." You looked into the bastard's eyes but you were so so tired and delirious your head fell. Was he trying to break you again? Was he trying to tear apart the Avengers? Break Bucky? He would do that, he would try to break Bucky and Bucky would go on a rampage, would he believe him though, that you would sleep with such a vile cretin. 

"Wouldn't he? I mean HYDRA is capable of brainwashing to the highest extreme my dear. Brainwashing you would be so very easy." He stood there in his expensive suit looking so arrogant and it just pissed you off. It brought out the ever-present Stark side of you just begging to show its side. 

"IF that were the case you piece of shit, you would've done it already. So what's your next move pussycat? I'm not going to cave to you asshole, so fuck off. " You spat in his face and blood stained his perfect white skin. 

A flash of anger flew across his face and then he composed himself quickly. "Well since you won't beg them to come I figure we will give them a little fire to ignite the anger. Perhaps a video of us torturing you will suffice? Maybe you can scream a bit while I cut you? Yes?" He took out a knife while another person came in with a video camera.

You became sick with the thought of Bucky or your dad seeing this. Of Steve. Anyone seeing you in your underwear, scars, and blood and now him cutting you. Fuck. You couldn't let him win.

"So what shall I carve? Ah...how about a star, just like your beloved soldier? Right here on your arm." He took the knife and started carving. You spat at him and he took a step back.

"Well, I must say Tony and Bucky. Your girl, she is a fighter. No matter what I do she will not cave. So very tenacious." He ran his fingers over the curve of your breast and you looked the other way and then he returned to carving. You refused to scream but the tears kept falling and by the end, they were freely coming down and you could no longer stop and let out a strangled scream. Your head dropped in defeat as a sob escaped and he walked back to the camera.

'Our hide and seek game is becoming tiresome. Come and get her and give us what we require or she will no longer be of any use to me." Then he turned the video off and walked out. That was the last you remembered before the darkness came.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sam came down the long corridor. "Two on your right Cap!" Steve flung his shield and knocked out the two soldiers and then swiftly picked the shield up and turned the corner. Nat and Clint were at the door and Nat was punching in numbers to get in.

"How much longer brainiac?" Clint asked Nat. She rolled her eyes. "Done." She said as she stood and they all entered.

"We're in. Everyone regroup at East wing Level 3. STAT. We need all hands on deck. Bruce standby at the quinjet. Wanda, Tony-standby for extraction." Cap called out orders and then turned as the dark solemn figure marched down the hallway with one mission. Y/N. Everyone parted.

You were on the other side of the door and Nat was already at the control panel trying to get in. They had received the video in route to you and it was a massive hellfire of rage on the quinjet when everyone saw it. No one could contain their anger, save Bruce. Hulk barely was able to stay under and Nat had to do quite a bit of coaxing to talk him down.

So here were your friends and Bucky outside of the door while you were barely conscious surrounded by HYDRA goons and the devil himself, Freidrich.

"Nat hurry. Bucky. We need to get in." Cap was leaning over as Bucky walked up. He didn't have the mask on like Winter but he was silent. Deadly. Everyone backed away and Cap stood there with the shield knowing that gunfire was about to come about.

The door opened and guns went off. Cap shielded them both then he threw it and took out 3 of the 12  soldiers. Everyone saw you in the corner with Friedrich holding you up and standing behind you.

You could see Bucky's movements but they were cold and calculated. You were scared but not for yourself. It was chilling. You saw what HYRDA made him to be a cold-blooded killer. But you were so thankful that he was on your side. He was the good guy.

He threw a knife in the air and then lodged it in a soldiers neck then swiftly moved onto another target. It was as graceful as a dance but deadly. He grabbed the next one with his metal arm and picked him up by his neck and threw him into a metal post impaling him instantly. Another a bullet to the head while he was running towards Cap. Snapped the neck of one fighting Nat. Then he came to you and Friedrich and halted directed in front of him with a stone cold stare. 

"Ah. The infamous Winter Soldier. Where is Tony Stark and you can have your woman back?" Friedrich spewed but Bucky just stood there glaring at him and breathing hard, chest heaving but still no words.

Freidrich cleared his throat awkwardly staring at Bucky and then you.

Bucky spoke with a deep timbre to his voice, so raspy and menacing that it gave you chills. "Give her to me now." 

Friedrich tried to recover and gain the upper hand while the Avengers fought the soldiers in the back. "Tell me, soldier. Does it bother you to know that I had her for a month? I could do what---" A gunshot rang out and you jumped and covered your face and before you could scream or fall you were caught by a strong metal arm and a flesh one under your legs.

He shot him between his eyes mid-sentence. You looked down at your captor and he was dead, laying in the pool of your blood from the past month of torture. You looked up at Bucky and all you could see was a face of determination as he ran down the hall behind Cap and Nat who held cover towards the quinjet. 

You burrowed your face into his neck and held on tight ignoring the sounds of fighting and yelling. Trying to not flinch at the sounds of gunshots and just breathing in Bucky's smell. That's when you heard Steve say. "Bucky, hurry. She's loosing too much blood from the wound on her shoulder. The fucker carved ... he carved a star?" You could feel his muscles go rigid and tense but he picked up speed before the darkness once again claimed your body again.

**I HOPE THAT YOU LIKED THIS CHAPTER. THERE'S ONLY ONE MORE AND THEN THIS IS DONE! OH MAN. IT WAS A VERY LONG ONE FOR ME BUT ILL BE HAPPY AND SAD TO SEE IT FINISH. LOVE TO ALL AND I WILL DO THE LAST CHAPTER WITHIN THE NEXT TWO WEEKS. *FINGERS CROSSED.**

**PLEASE FEEL FREE TO COMMENT AND LIKE. IT GIVES ME THE FEELS.**

 


	9. Freight Care

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the final chapter. I may add an Epilogue next week, not sure though. Hope that you enjoyed this. Thank you to everyone that that read it or is reading it. Love to all!!!

You remember hearing fighting and voices but bits and pieces of conversations but time was lost. You felt lost in your own ragged body and it ached in such a way that you couldn't lift it.

You tried to open your eyes but the lights were blinding and you moaned, unsure if it was lost in the noise that was swallowing you whole. The body that was next to your bed jumped up and the chair skidded back alerting you that they had heard your moan, however, load it was. "Y/N." He softly said and brushed your hair off your face to soothe frantic eyes searching your surroundings, grasping for understanding of where you were. "You're safe. You can come back. You're home. " His voice cracked and was deep and rough, as though he hadn't spoken in years but yet it still sounded like heaven to you. 

You opened your eyes fully for the first time with a flutter and he was there. Face pale and eyes red, looking as though he aged 10 years in the short time that you were separated from one another. "Its bright, can you lower the lights, please? My head. It hurts. Everything fucking hurts, James." His shoulders closed in on themselves with those words as though the world he was carrying just kept breaking him down and at any moment he would collapse on the floor beneath him. "Of course, doll. Anything" He dimmed the lights and called for Dr. Cho and for some painkillers for you.

He stayed with you but he was rigid and closed off trying to stay off and out of the way but your eyes never left his body. Trying to find his eyes and beg him silently for his touch and to come closer. Steve came in and checked on you and stayed for what seemed like ages and his easy nature calmed you, filled the silence tension in the air. Tony busted in yelling about how he leaves for one damn minute and you wake up. After Dr. Cho told everyone to leave but said Bucky could stay, he interrupted claiming that needed rest and went to leave. Steve stopped him with his Captain look and silently urged him to stay, which did not go unnoticed by you and left the two of you alone. Buck sat down next to the chair and after a few minutes you reached out for his hand and he slowly took it.

 

"Whats on your mind soldier?" He didn't look you in the eye and instead focused on your intertwined fingers within his calloused hand. "I'm sorry Y/N." You shrugged and felt the sting from the star carved in your arm and tried to suppress the flinch of pain on your face. "Not your fault, there's no reason to be sorry. We knew I could be captured. We knew the risk. I'll be ok. _We_ will be ok." He went to stand so abruptly that the chair skidded and your heart skipped as he lent over for a quick kiss on your forehead. It pained your heart as you lips urged and ached for his touch and attention but instead, he found your forehead. You swallowed hard thoughts reeling, trying to understand what you did wrong. Did he believe Freidrich when he said that you slept with him? Was that what this was about? Before you could process anything the deep timbre of his voice broke your thoughts. 

"Get some sleep. I-I need to go. G-g-get some rest. I just wanted to be here when you woke. Make sure you are ok." He was breathing hard but held a mask in place and your mind was racing at this but you couldn't find words. Surely he didn't think that you would betray him? Wouldn't he talk to you? You were tortured and you were battered nearly beyond recognition and have been out for 4 days and you wake up to this distant version of your beautiful soldier. How could he be so loving before you left and now act as though you were barely anything?

"Don't you walk out Bucky.  Don't you dare push me away." He stood with his back towards you and his chest was damn near heaving with how fast he was breathing. You hated how your voice broke but you were a mixture of angry and sad at how quickly things had turned. You survived for him, and now he didn't want you. 

" You deserve better. I can't give it to you. You survived them, you'll survive this. There will always be more who will hurt you to get to me." His face was partially turned to you as he spoke but he didn't dare look you in the eyes. You bit your lip so hard you tasted blood.

A sob almost escaped. "You're a fucking coward if you walk out that door, James Buchanan Barnes." You couldn't yell because of the torture your sustained but you managed to keep your voice steady.

"I'd rather be a coward with you alive than a hero without you in this world." He stormed out of the room and you broke down in the empty room. Broken and alone.

___________________________________________________________________________

Two weeks had passed since you had returned to the Tower and you had thought about actually going home but the thought pained you. Tony had moved a lot of your stuff to your floor to make it more like home and in hopes that you wouldn't leave when you were fully healed. Typical father.

You hadn't seen Bucky that first week since he conveniently left for a mission. Steve went with him to make sure that he was ok and wasn't a loose cannon which comforted you but also took your second favorite soldier. Tony was ready to stick a rocket up Bucky's ass and fire it off. Literally, he offered to do that. Sam said he would gladly drop him in flight and let him break every bone in his body. Nat said she would go old school red room torture tactics on him to which led to an hour of horror and intrigue Q&A that still haunts your dreams. None of it helped because you just wanted him, every part of him. You had nightmares as a result of the torture and the two soldiers came back today so your nerves were shot to hell.

You sat in the common room pretending to read a book but had yet to turn a page in an hour. You still had a back eye but the gash on your forehead was healing nicely. Your ribs were healing but still sore and the bruising on your neck was doing well. The main scar and trigger was the star which was quite sore even with Dr. Cho. You wore one of Steve's long sleeve soft over-sized shirts. You were afraid to wear Buck's and knew that Steve wouldn't mind, after all, you two were friends before all of this bullshit. Right now you needed a friend more than anything. Even if said friend loyalties were with Bucky you Steve would never turn you away, the man was a saint.

The two men came in worse for the wear and while they were clean they still had some bruises and cuts and Steve even had a nice beard. Bucky immediately tensed, the last time you had seen him was the morning they left for the trip. A cordial goodbye was given but nothing else was said, almost as though you two were strangers. Steve saw the tension and rolled his eyes. You smiled at him as he sat down next to you and put his arm around you with a groan from some injury he sustained.  Bucky sat down in the farthest chair he could possibly find which was next to Sam.

"Nice shirt." Steve grabbed the sleeve and you smiled. "Hope you don't mind. I needed something loose that---" You trailed off knowingly and looked down. He comfortingly pulled you into his side and you hummed at the contact and choked back tears. "It's fine. I have plenty, your welcome to them, doll." You nodded saying that you'd swing by later to take him up on that. Bucky got up from his chair and stormed off towards his quarters.

"Someone's jealous." Sam laughed amused at Bucky's sudden exit.

"He doesn't care about me, Sam. I doubt he ever did. "  You suddenly needed fresh air and got up with a wince and bolted to your floor. You went to the balcony and started crying.

How were you going to do this?

You heard a soft knocking on your door.

"Please go away."You choked out with a strangled sound. You weren't sure if the person on the other side could even understand your pathetic attempt.

"I can't" Steve opened the door and came in. He saw your state and walked over and just held you while you cried in his red sweater. You gripped it tight and he stroked Y/H/C while you ugly cried into his chest. "I'm sorry Steve, I'm ruining your sweater."

He let out a soft chuckle and went over to the bed and laid both of you down. You just softly cried in his arms. "It's ok doll. I'm here for ya. Not going anywhere."

You're not sure if you cried for 10 minutes or 30 but you eventually stopped and Steve, true to his word stayed. "He does care. He cares too much. That's his problem." You sat on your elbows and looked at him, silently waiting for him to explain.

"He feels _everything_ and carries the weight of it all. We both do, but he has more guilt from Winter. You know he almost went Winter to get to you?" His eyebrow shot up as he explained. 

You shook your head waiting for his to explain. "No, I mean I saw him fight and for a second I thought that maybe..."

Steve nodded. " I said hell no. But your dad was going to activate him. Then right before he was going to do it he said no. If anyone could get you out, alive it was Bucky. Not the Winter Soldier. So he went in and got you out." He reached out and touched your arm gently. "When he saw the star he lost it. I think that flipped the switch. He had to know what they did. He--He. Fuck Y/N he watched to footage of Friedrich and you. The torture."

You sat up quickly and yelped in pain. "What?!?!" Steve sat up slowly and nodded, sadly.

The tears threatened to spill again. The scenes started to flash across your mind everything he did and you started breathing heavily.

"Who---Wh-Who else saw them." You couldn't look him in the eyes and the tears flooded them.

"I saw a bit and Ton--your dad watched a clip, that's all. The rest has just been logged as evidence." You tried to clear your mind so you wouldn't have a full-fledged panic attacked. Steve claimed your small frame in his large one. He pulled you into his lap while you sobbed and little did you know he cried with you. Bucky saw your deepest secrets and fears that were brought to life. The torture, the abuse, the violation. All of it. No wonder he couldn't look at you or be with you. Your cries became a broken sob knowing that it was over. Who would ever want you knowing all of those things...seeing all of those things?

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You didn't leave your room for two days after that revelation. When you had a nightmare Steve would come in and stay with you and hold you until you calmed down. You knew that Bucky knew, hell the entire tower heard you. The third day you had to get out of the room. Otherwise you knew your dad wouldn't just "visit" this time. He would drag your ass out, pajamas and all. You decided to get a workout in and went down to the gym.

Thankfully no one was there except a few random agents so you went to the treadmill to run. When Sam came in he offered to spar lightly with you which you gladly accepted. You felt the air shift and knew when Bucky came in. Sam got a shot to your ribs and you grunted in pain but continued on. 

"Oh shit Y/N, I'm sorry." You waved him off. "It's fine." Bucky had already made his way over and was glaring at Sam and you. Your anxiety was crashing down on you again. Knowing that he knew everything and felt it wash over while wondering which image he was seeing. You went over to your bag and you were shaking so much you dropped it. Sam looked at you quizzically. "Y/N?"

"I'm fine." Bucky came closer with his eyebrows pinched together and gently grabbed your arm. You pulled back like it was burned and he looked hurt almost. " You ok, doll?" You were breathing hard and knew that you were about to lose it in front of everyone. You looked around and saw that the red still bloody star was showing from where the bag strap bulled it up. Bucky saw it too.

You went to run past him and he grabbed your arm again. "Its ok, Y/N." You yanked your arm away with force this time and his eyes widened at the hostility. "How is it fucking ok, James?! You saw **everything**? You left me?  The one fucking person that would never leave me, left. Nothing will ever be ok." You turned and went to leave. One of the agents blocked your way.

"Mind if we see the star? We've heard the stories." He just kept staring at it spot where the bandage came off and the blood was staining the shirt. You dropped your bag and throat punched the asshole and kicked him in his balls then ran out of the gym.

You ran straight to your room and the shower. You needed everything off your skin. Pray that the water could wash Bucky, Freidrich and all of the pain away.

___________________________________________________________________________

When you came out of the shower Bucky was sitting on the chair holding his head in his hands. He was wearing jeans and a black shirt, no shoes. He looked wrecked and was so lost in thought he didn't know you were standing there.

You walked over to your delicates and grabbed your underwear and slammed the drawer breaking his concentration. "Get out." You calmly said.

"I needed to make sure you were ok." His voice was broken and it took all of your resolve to stay strong in front of him. You put on your underwear under your towel and reached for one of Steve's shirts on the bed.

Bucky nodded to a few of his shirts next to Steve's. "You still have some of mine too. You could wear them." You let out an exasperated sigh and threw the towel across the room with more force than needed."That's why you're here. To talk about how I cover my body?"

He shook his head still looking at you, no doubt reading your body language and taking everything in, stupid fucking assassin. " You don't have to cover your body. It's beautiful." He stood as you grabbed one of his shirts just to appease and turned around to face the other way and put it on. "Yea my body is a fucking wonderland." You gave a dark laugh and turned around. "Why are you here? Say your peace and get the fuck out, Barnes."

You turned around when you had put on the new shirt and his brows were hitched together as he took a few tentative steps closer than thought better of it. "Those guys were assholes. Red star or no red star, you're fucking gorgeous. Besides, I'm sure Dr. Cho can get rid of it, Just needs time to heal." You crossed your arms and bit your lip to keep the tears from coming up and betraying you for the fourteenth time this week, bastards.

"Actually she can't. If you must know the graft won't take for how deep it is. But who the hell cares?  A relationship is the last thing on my mind and this star will certainly be something that's like 6th or 7th date-worthy. I'm thinking that its a deal breaker if I show it off too early." Your sarcasm wasn't appreciated as he slowly nodded and his brows were once again pinched.

"What. What Bucky?" You were losing your patience. You just wanted to be alone to try and sleep. Truth be told you wanted to curl up in his arms and sleep but he knew everything and saw everything and it broke you to know that every time he looked at you he was probably seeing that.

"I just thought that maybe you and---and---Steve were getting close. I know he sleeps in here with you most nights." He was trying not to look you in the eyes as his voice was soft but his fists were white knuckled at his sides. 

"And. And if we were?  You left _me_ Bucky. We said until the end of the line and correct me if I'm wrong but we were nowhere near the fucking end and you just picked up and left me. Broken. Steve is the one that picked me up." It was a low blow but it just came out and he flinched at your words.

"You're right. He's a good man and you deserve a good man, Y/N." You rolled your eyes. "Oh for fuck's sake, James. Nothing is going on. He's just a _friend_. He -he helps with my nightmares and with you. Because...I am soo tired I can't do it only. Ok? Is that what you want to hear. That I'm wrecked over you, that I search for you in the night when I wake up scared and alone and that when Steve comes I find some sort of comfort. He holds me and makes me feel safe and calm. Some nights the worse nightmares are when I dream of you, not of HYDRA. When I dream of you and you are fucking here. Steve helps me."

You hadn't realized that while you were closing in on yourself he had been slowly walking closer.

"With me?" He was looking right at you now boring a hole in you and it ached. What was he thinking? "Yes. You broke my damn heart, Barnes. My life shattered in a thousand of shards and then when you left you made me walk across them. The only thing that kept me alive was you and then when I came back to you, you abandoned me with a second thought. Then -fffuck. Then I find out you watched the tapes." You let out a quiet sob. "You saw him touch me and torture me to torture _you_. He beat me and cut me and the things he would say. I still hear them. You saw all of the things that are my deepest realized fears." He was holding you now and your face was in his neck and he smelled like leather, pine, and vibranium. "It's ok, doll."

"I know why you can't be with me though. **I** couldn't be. It's disgusting. You look at me and those images just play in your head and you can't remember who I was before _this_. I want to hate you but I can't because I love you so. It just hurts so damn bad because I'm carved up and broken and the man I adore can't look at me anymore without seeing that." A strangle sob escapes and he pulls you away and takes your face in his hands and searches desperately in your eyes. Begging you to believe what he is about to say.

"Listen to me woman. I fucking love you with every damn fiber of my being. I meant it when I said to the end of the line. When you have a nightmare and Steve comes in here, I stay in the hall. I may not be able to soothe you but I damn well know I'll be close if you call my name. You just never did. But know the ONLY reason I left you is because there will always be someone who will hurt you because of me and I can't allow that doll. I need you to be safe, even if that means without me. It breaks me to know that it's Steve and not me to comfort you. It's his fucking shirts your wearing. I ache for you, doll." He presses his forehead to yours and his eyes are pleading with you. 

"Don't leave me, James. I will take every risk happily just to be with you. I can't endure another day without you. This world is a nightmare and your my safe haven and refuge. I don't care if it makes me weak." He closed his eyes and you wrapped your arms around his neck into his hair and he let out a small moan.

"After all that I did will you have me back, doll?" He gently ran his thumb over your lips. "You were willingly going to go Winter for me. I think I can forgive you this." You gave him a small smirk and he in return gave you his blinding one.

He lent in and kissed you and pulled you up and you wrapped your legs around his solid torso. His rugged hands squeezed your thighs and you moaned. "Just so you know Y/N. When I look at you I don't see anything on those tapes. I only see what I want to do to you, the places I want to kiss." He kisses your lips, jaw, and collarbone. He laid you on the bed and set himself between your legs. He propped himself up on his elbows. "I think about how lucky I am that you love me and I think about our future. Till the end of the line, doll?"

You looked up into his eyes and they were full of love and were the most beautiful shade of blue you've ever seen. "Till the end of the line. But if you ever pull that self-sacrificing shit again with me Barnes, I will take my dad, Nat, and Sam up on their offer to maim and kill you." His eyes got big and then he laughed heartily.

"I promise. I will never lose my mind or you again."

**_I hope that all of you liked this fic. It was the longest one for me so I hope that it wasn't boring and that you all enjoyed it. Thank you for reading it. Feel free to comment or rate. Thanks again and love to all!!!_ **

 


End file.
